Monday, February 14, 2005

Fiddling With Samsara

More car stuff - I've noticed this tendancy I have in the car to fiddle with the controls - not just when I set out, but pretty much all the way through a journey. I diligently adjust the heater - hot, cold, up, down - the wipers and windowscreen washer .... the radio - volume up and down .... demisting the back window ..... somehow there seems to always be something which isn't quite as it 'should' be, something in need of a tweak, an adjustment, an increment up or down.

What am I doing?

Yes, I'm making sure my arthritic joints in my leg don't get too cold, whilst not making the car hot enough so I feel sick from the stuffy-ness.

But the constant fiddling, the restlessness of it, the attempt to 'control' the environment?

There's a strong sense of trying to 'fix' Samsara, to make it right, to make it perfect. I'm trying to get on top of it, to make it how it 'ought to be', to somehow turn it into what it isn't .... to make imperfect somehow perfect.

I sense this 'control freak' tendency, which wants to make the world right, to set things straight. And my car is an arena where this tendency is clearly seen and felt. A microcosm world where my controls are all within reach, and whilst I can't get everyone else to drive properly - at least within my bubble I can try to get ahead, get a grip, and get control!!!!!

But somehow, it never is quite the right temperature, the windows are never quite clean, or at least, in both cases, they may be for a moment, then the winds of Impermanence sweep them away, and they settle again, imperfect and not as desired.

More opportunities to let go, to loosen the grip which wishes to do the 'God' thing and set everything right .... and allow things to unfold a little without my vice-like mind trying to control .....

Letting go!

4 comments:

tamingthemind said...

Hello Chodpa,
I have the habit of constantly locking the doors. I'll keep flipping the switch. I didn't even know I did this until a friend said, "I think the doors are locked." Now, when I am in the middle of my door locking ritual I think of her and smile.

For me it is not control, it is a need to feel secure. Maybe, that is control?

Al said...

For me, it's the large bucket of coffe that I pick up - and it is a distraction from what is happening in the moment - it's the turning away from my experience and going for another sip - what confirms it is even when the cup is empty - I still unconsciously reach down for it and act suprised when there is none left!

Florence said...

It seems that this compulsion to fiddle with samsara, that all of us know, comes from the confusion between absolute and relative perfection. We want all to be simple, all to be easy. All is perfect in the View, it doesn't mean that it should be perfect from a relative point of view. And what would be perfection from our point of view ? For example, if we wash our car, at wich point will we decide it is enough ? And if a bird comes and shits on it, we will have to clean it again. What would be the solution ? That no bird in the world shits anymore ? It would be difficult...
It is the same with our meditation. Our meditation is never good enough.

Anonymous said...

I like this posting.

This is a very concrete example of the constant fiddling with life that I do to get things to be "just right." The comically sad part of it is that I do this again and again - only the subject varies as my attention floats from one thing to another.